simplicity

the kids at norwood always remind me of the silliest things, and make everything so simple.
a little firl says to a little boy in the program, “are you staying late today to play with me”
and he responds, “do you like me?”
to which she simply replies, “no, i just want to play!”

and he went on his merry way.
why can’t adult life be like that??

 

one day

One of these days I will forget you. One of these days those fall and winter days will be just a blip, a faded memory. But for now, the sad slow songs will stir me, will remind me of you. One of these days, soon, someone will come to sweep me off my feet, replacing old memories with the new. One day I won’t define my almosts, my mistakes, and they will just be childish silly thoughts. I won’t be chasing my past but instead enjoying the present that is today. I’ll smile at the memories being made. One day, I will forget you. And I’ll be a new me.

 

you know you have good friends when…

when:

you call one friend to escort you home from work, and 3 come.

they can pick you up when you fall down

they know you well enough to ban you from facebook, studying in strategic lounges and making perverted jokes

they know just what to say when you are down

they help you procrastinate on studying by watching glee for 7 hours

they just feel right.

there are a thousand more reasons, but i’m really grateful for my friends at both my homes, and the fact that i know they’ll do anything to protect me.

 

frame it.

my cousin wrote on my facbeook wall today, and i want to frame the post, the memory.

i want to go back to this summer and my carefree days in europe that were seriously out of a movie, like this quote.

so im walking down the streets of rainy london, ive just bought a little bottle of red and im taking some swigs and i think back to that great rainy day we spent drinking red wine in paris in front of the sacre coeur … love you

i love my family.

 

thankstaking

…or thanksgiving as it known to many.

i’m spending my thanksgiving at my friend mike’s house with our other friend tracy. and while i’m not classically homesick or anything, i’m beginning to be ready to go home. i think part of it is jealousy because so many people are leaving today, tomorrow and wednesday for their homes.
and my home friends were circulating an email about meeting up and having hang out time.
and i want to be there for that. but i also want to be in california. haha i guess i’m confused and just looking forward to relaxing by the pool on thanksgiving.

 

dare.

do i dare, do i dare to step where i haven’t before?

i should have done it a year ago, and now i’m tempted to for once, take my life into my own hands.

dare to do what scares me, what could hurt me, but what could make me happy.

taking the step is daunting and frightening, but there are signs it could be a fruitful endeavor.

but i’m scared. how can i learn from my past mistakes and take that next step?

maybe it’s time to jump off the diving board, and risk it.

 

that girl

sometimes i look in the mirror and wonder who the girl i’m looking at is?

have i changed?

have my values, my morals, my thoughts changed?

on the surface, i feel like some part of me has changed. but on the surface i haven’t either.

it’s confusing to think about it.

i want to be me, but i think me is changing.

 

a good friend.

have i become too absorbed in my own problems? to the point where my friends won’t tell me because they think i’m too “preoccupied” with my own?

i guess i need to internalize more. or something. because the last thing i ever want is my best friend telling me she can’t talk to me.

 

hair.

a week, and wearing my hair down makes a world of difference.

yesterday i straightened my hair, and every guy i walked into (that I knew at least), started telling me i looked, “hot”, “stunning”, “amazing” and other words. i was like WHOA, what has happened here??

it was ridiculous, i felt so nice. and then to top my day off, i got to eat dirt n’ worms which i haven’t had in FOREVER. it was sooooo good.

okay. but the biggest difference my hair made apparently was this: last week no one danced with me except my best friend. this week? 4 guys and my first kiss.

i’m wearing my hair down more often.

 

tired.

i’m tired of being alone.
tired of ending up every night alone in my room.
tired of being the girl on the dance floor no one wants to dance with.
tired of being unnoticed, or just one of the guys in the face of those i like.
im tired.
i don’t want to end up the old maid with 17 cats. i want more.
but i’m beginning to be afraid that nothing is ever going to happen.
because there’s a third eye. it’s growing out of my head and seems to repulse every guy in sight. maybe my friends think i’m pretty but its never a guy i like- they’re always after someone different from me.
and i’m sick and tired of it.
i don’t think i’m ugly, and i don’t think i deserve this stupid pain.
why can’t like be like a taylor swift song or a disney tale, one where for once, it works out in my favor, and i’m not left walking home alone, regretting everything?